Do younger men approach you?

He's a cutie, but he's also a young one

I look young, but I know I don't look like a teenager anymore. However, this doesn't seem to stop the 16 - 18 year-old group from trying to talk to me when I'm out during the day. They pretty much all say the same thing, "Hi, what's your name? Can I get your number?" I just laugh them off when they tell me they're 17 or 18 years-old. I think younger guys try to talk to us because they have no fear. They're at the age where they don't really care if women pay any attention to their wooing because they can move on to the next girl. I wonder if older men lack this fearlessness because they seem more hesitant to approach women with that "young care-free" attitude. I'm not sure if they're looking for something more serious or if they're just afraid of getting their feelings hurt. Well guys, I say you have to get over that and think back to your younger days. Just take a chance and say, "Hi, what's your name?", it just might work next time.

Fab Date: Take a Trapeze lesson

The Trapeze School of New York is now in Washington DC and now is the perfect time to go on a trapeze date. Going out to eat can get a little boring, so change it up. You can sign-up for a 2 hour class on the website: http://washingtondc.trapezeschool.com/. The flying trapeze classes are perfect for beginners and each is $45, with a required $20 registration fee. I suggest you sign-up for a class sooner that later because they're filling up quickly. Happy flying!

What happened to Courting?

Courting: a man's courting of a woman; seeking the affections of a woman; to seek someone's love. So when was the last time a man actually courted you? What happened to the times when a young man would actually put effort into to getting your attention and treating you like a lady? Prime example, a guy you barely knows tells you he wants to take you out and then gets mad if you say, "no thanks." Its not that we don't want to go out with them, but it would be nice if they actually put some effort into the art of asking a woman out on a date.

I personally think if a guy is really interested in you, he'll find out what your interests are and ask you out on a date based that you would truly enjoy. And the only way he can plan that amazing date is if he genuinely gets to know you for you. A few phone conversations about your interests is all it takes. Yes, I think its time for courting to make a comeback.

Meet some new guys, its NBA Finals time

Its past Memorial Day. so I'm considering it summer time! And summer time calls for a summer boo, and what better time than this to find that boo? The NBA Finals kick-off this Thursday night (The Magic vs The Lakers, just in case you're wondering) and guys across the nation will be headed to bars and restaurants to watch the game. If you're a basketball fan, you might as well get a few of your girls and head out to a local bar too. But if you don't like bars any restaurant like Chammps, Fridays, or Damon's is a bet. I'm not saying you should go out with the intent of meeting guys, but it wouldn't hurt if you did connect with a nice young man. And remember, you're going to a sports bar to watch basketball please don't go dressed in a party dress and 4 inch heels. Jeans and a t-shirt will work just fine. Oh and GO MAGIC!

Go on a Work Out Date

I was talking to some girlfriends the other day and one said that she had gained weight when she had a boyfriend because they would go out to eat so much and just stay in the house. I see this issue arising in several relationships and I think it’s time people started going out on “work out” dates. If you’re like me, and don’t actually like going to the gym there are several alternatives:


Run outside: Get up on Saturday morning and take a run outside. And definitely take a scenic route through a park, by a lake, on a trail, or on the beach. Each other's presence will motivate you both to push yourselves. But if you're having trouble getting motivated, walk for a cause and sign-up for "The Race for the Cure" or "AIDS Walk." After you’re done running, have a healthy breakfast at home; oatmeal, fruit, yogurt, or a veggie omelet.



Go dancing: Whether its salsa, meringue, hip-hop, or even line dancing; just dance. If your beau doesn’t like to dance, bribe him with a little incentive. No guy really wants his girl going out and dancing with other dudes, so tell him he gets you all to himself the entire night. Salsa lessons at bars and restaurants are really popular and tell him salsa is a very sensual form of dancing.


Play a game of one-on-one: Hit up a local gym or outdoor court and hoop it up. Or you can keep it your house and play "Love and Basketball, I think we all know the scene I'm talking about. And neither of you have to be good at ball, just have fun.


Go to the golfing range: I have always wanted to date a guy that plays golf, so we can go to the golfing range and he can show me how to sink a whole in one. This is also a really time to talk with each other while you're playing. Oh, and you get to wear one of those cute skirts and sweater vest outfits.


Play Wii: The Wii is addicting! My favorites are boxing and tennis. I have worked up a sweat playing that boxing game against another person. Technically, you don't have to put in all your effort while punching, but where's the fun in that?

Go to the Gym: But take the best of both of your work-outs and combine them. Or take a class that both of you would like together; I recommend a boot camp class!

(no) Sex in the City: Part 3

Exhausting...

Dating can be rather exhausting when you think about it. You go to work; you may have a 2nd job, a side hustle, be taking classes, freelancing, or leading an organization. After that, you have your friends that you like to hang-out with, add in family time, and experiencing city-living as a 20 something year-old and top it all off with dating; just writing about it is exhausting.

First of all, being out and about and meeting new people is hard work. Friday nights are usually a difficult night to go out on because you're so drained from the work or school week. But I usually mutser up some energy to "put my face out there", to let people know I'm still around and maybe meet some new guys. When you do go out, it's great to meet a guy with some intriguing potential, but a downer when your schedule's don't align. You find out that you both can't agree on a time to hang-out. He has basketball games on Tuesday night, you have Yoga on Wednesday, he's meeting his boys to watch the game on Thursday; you get the point. The worst part is when you're trying to set up the initial meeting and you keep playing phone tag. And if this ends up happening, one side usually gives up the pursuit or pursuing. You could possibly prevent this by inviting him to an "errand" date and suggesting an activity that you both would like to do together. Talk a walk around your favorite park, go to an after church bunch, and you'd be surprised how much fun you'll have grocery shopping with a guy (trust me, it's a riot if you go with the right guy).




What about when you meet more than one great guy and you want to date all of them, at once? Isn't that the best problem have, so many boys and so little time? You want to keep all of them around because each has a certain characteristic you like, and its like you're dating the perfect guy buy dating all of them. Not to mention, you can hang out with one when the other is getting on your nerves. As great as this sounds, you might get a little tired managing your time, life, and more than one guy. So prioritize your guys, and alternate weeks. If there's an activity you want to go to and know one guy will like it more than the other, then invite him. Hang-out with the other guy the following week and so on. And it also helps to be upfront with all the men you're dating; let them know you're dating other people, so they'll be a little more understanding when you can't hang.

(no) Sex and the City: Part 2

Confusing


Have you ever met a guy and thought there was a strong connection? You engage the usual routine; talk, exchange numbers, and go out on the first date. But, when you go out on that date, you find out that you were blinded by his good looks and charm during that first meeting and the initial connection sparks slowly start to dwindle away. And reason why the sparks dwindle is because of the mixed signals, the confusing mixed signals. Either he's too forward and thinks you guys are sleeping together just because he bought you a meal, and you just thought it was a causal first date. Or he's not being completely honest about his relationship status, career, lifestyle, or anything else you want to know about a guy. Or he thinks he thinks he's God's gift to Earth and talks about all the women he's been with and can get. So then, why did you ask me out? Or you just don't know what this guy wants: Does he what to date, is he looking for a serious relationship, does he want to start as friends? Neither of you is being honest and upfront with each other, and all the dating details become really confusing. There's also the initial phases of dating, like should I call him or should I let him call me? Are we officially together or are still just dating now? Should I be dating other people; is he dating other people? And should I be angry if he's dating other women?

I think this is why a lot of potential relationships don't get a chance to get off the starting blocks and fail during the beginning phases. Being honest with someone you're just getting to know can be very difficult, but it shouldn't be. Think about it, if you tell him that you're single, really enjoying the dating life right now, and are not looking for anything serious. What's the worst that could happen? If he tells you he's not looking for that, no worries because other guys will ask you out or you'll ask them out (yes you can!). And if you're confused about status, just ask him. Next time you guys are hanging out, tell him if you're dating other people or not. If you open up first, he might be more likely to share what he's thinking. I think it's better to save ourselves the trouble and time; avoid the confusing moments of dating and be honest with each other.

(no) Sex and the City: Part 1

Do you ever feel like you and your girlfriends are living like the ladies of Sex and the City or Girlfriends? You guys sometimes sit down and talk about dating, relationships, and sex. Well let's face it, being a young recent college grad and dating in a city is frustrating, confusing, and somewhat exhausting. I'll focus on the frustrating aspect for this post.

Frustration; don't you hate going to the same places over and over again and not meeting any new guys that are worth you time? We get all primp and proper before we go out to a club or lounge; with the secret intent to "find a man tonight." Yes, all of us, at one point in our lives have gone out with the intentions of finding a good looking man to exchange numbers with and eventually date. But the problem is, we never find them. I mean you may meet someone you like and find entertaining for a few weeks, maybe months, but usually nothing long-term or stable. Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with having fun and dating in your 20s, but there comes a time when you want to be exclusive with a really great guy. So, I've decided to just stop looking. I'm not giving up on dating (no way! I would never ever); but I'm not going to attend events just because there might be some nice guys to meet. I'm going to have fun and live my life. Plus, I think some of the best places to meet guys are non-party scenes like networking events, cocktail parties, when you're in the grocery store, at the gym, or through a mutual friend. Don't they always say good things come when you least expect it?



I also find the "chasing" aspect of the dating game frustrating. What ever happened to guys putting in a little work to get our attention? It seems like every guy I meet wants me to be the one to initiate the conversation or boost his ego by chasing after him. The "get to know you" phase of a relationship should be a two way street. He should put in some effort and should too. So, I'm taking a tip from that good ol' book,"He's Just Not that Into You"; if a guy really wants to date you, he'll find a way. Meaning he'll call you, he may not call you as frequently as you want, but he'll call. Some guys that are really into you worry about looking too desperate or pushy if they call you too much, so give him a break.

Let Me Buy Him a Drink

That's right, I'm buying him a drink and let me explain why. Ne-Yo told us he likes Ms. Independents and females who "got their own." I wanted to find out if this was really true because I thought guys like being guys. You know what I mean? They like to wear the pants in the relationship or be the pursuer instead of being pursued; they like to take control and take care of a lady. The kind of stuff that makes them feel like a real man because they can provide for a woman. But I also think that deep down inside (even though they don't want to admit it), they wouldn't mind it if a women treated them every once and while. So that's where the idea of "Let me buy him a drink" came from.

Have you ever been out and met or ran into a guy you were interested in? If you guys are engaged in good conversation, ask him if he drinks and if he says yes, then ask him to name his favorite drink and buy it for him. Now that's really Ms. Independent. Tell him guys usually have to pay more to get into parties or clubs, so this one's on you. And this also goes for eating out, regardless of what point of the relationship you're in. If you suggest lunch, then treat him and don't take no for an answer. But if he insists on paying, then tell him he can pay the tip. Just give a it a try. What the worst that could happen?

White-Knight Syndrome

Lance Gross, he seems like the optimal white knight


According to Cosmo Magazine, White-Knight Syndrome is when a girl has dreamed up every detail of her ideal man and she's spends so much time looking for Mr. Right, that she spoils her view of the great guys she meets everyday. I have diagnosed myself with this syndrome because I have my idea of the "perfect" guy for me and I automatically write-off any romantic interests that don't meet my criteria.


Paul Walker, why can't I "bump" into guys like this everyday?


My ideal guy is intelligent, has some type of relationship with God, very attractive (doesn't matter what skin complexion, just as long as he is fine!), well-spoken, charming, has a great smile, would help if he is college educated (but not a requirement), driven, motivated, can dance, dresses well, is taller than 5'11, has a nice body, can make me laugh, doesn't like to stay in the house too much, stays out of trouble, and has an adventurous side.


Nate Parker, he's extremely intelligent and well spoken

Ok, so that list seems a bit long but I know there are guys out there like this! But, I also know I created this list as a way to avoid the complicated world of dating outside of a college setting. Dating in the real world is scary, and this list gives me an excuse as to why I don't date certain guys. I need to get over myself and get over my fears; and take each date as it comes, but that's also easier said than done. I have decided to cure myself of this syndrome one step at a time . I am going to start by talking to guys that approach me, but don't "fit my mold" of the ideal guy. I won't limit myself and I could potentially end up going out on some fun dates. Lastly, I challenge all my girl's reading to do the same!

He's Just NOT That into You

Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, The Little Mermaid, and even Sherk all end with happily ever after. From the time we were little girls, it has been ingrained into our minds that Prince Charming will come to our rescue, marry us, and we will live happily ever after.

Last Night, I went to a screening of "He's Just Not That into You" and saw a reflection of myself and several of my girlfriends on screen (I'm a Mary, if you watch the movie, you'll know what I mean). I watched a female character practically hang onto to any man that talked to her (we all have a girlfriend like that). She went through the same routine with every man; go out on a date, make-out with him, go home, and wait for him to call. Now ladies, how many times have you waited for him to call? You know, looking at your phone, making sure it's connected, checking it after you took a shower just in case he called while you were in there. Then, after he doesn't call you start to worry about if something is wrong with you. She also talked about the losers she dated and put up with just because she believed in the "happily ever after." She believed if she waited long enough, those men would change for her, but with the help of a very honest male friend, she finally realized they weren't going to change.

Why do we believe in happily ever after? Is it because we hear the "stories"; the ones about your best friend's cousin's aunt that fell in love at first sight and got married after 2 months. Is the idea of a hopeless romantic promoted in our society? Do we continue to kiss frog after frog, just hoping that one day, we'll find our prince?

I recommend seeing the movie, it’s your typical romantic comedy; but the content will definitely foster a great conversation.

Baracks In; Scrubs Out

Attention all men out there, myself and several of my girlfriends have a new motto for 2009: " Baracks In; Scrubs Out." Yes, that's right, due to the election of our first African-American president, we are asking you to step your game up.





Notice how is looking at Michelle, now that's love and admiration!


Barack Obama is smart, funny, ambitious, loving, charismatic, charming, and good looking. We will no longer put up with your foolish games because you think you're, "as good as they come, and we can't find any better brothers out there." Do not copy everything Barack has done, develop your own swagger and please take note to the following expectations:

Oh no, just having a job will not cut it. You better have some goals and aspirations to go along with that job

Treat us with the utmost respect, like the queens we really are

Dress the part, it's not fair that we have to look good 24/7 and you can walk around in basketball shorts all the time

To add on to that. PULL your pants up! No one wants to see your unmentionables

Do not call us out of our names

A big ego is unattractive, but confidence is sexy

A good sense of humor goes a long way, especially when we're having a bad day

Be kind and caring; it's that simple. Nice guys don't always finish last and we like all around good guys. However, being nice doesn't mean you don't have a back bone, so don't be afraid to disagree and challenge us(but over-do it...).

Why Does Mr. Wrong Always Find Us?

"Yo Ma", "A Girl", "Mmm girl, you look good", "Sister", and "Sexy Chocolate" are all ways not to get a female's attention. Furthermore, shouting any of those phrases from half way across the street is completely disrespectful and out of line. The worst part about ignorant cat calling is that it comes from guys I have no desire to talk to. It's always the sorriest looking brothers that want to approach me and then they get mad when I don't respond. They always say, "Oh, I thought you were a sister", "You can't speak", or "What' wrong with you?"

What's wrong with me? I'll tell you what's wrong with me. I am tired of being publicly disrespected by males that won't even let me walk to the grocery store without hearing some type of foolishness come out their mouths. I absolutely hate the feeling I get when I walk past a group of guys that think it's flattering to comment on any part of my body. And what bothers me the most, is the fact that the strong, intellectual, powerful brothers do not approach me, but the Flavor Flav type looking dudes on the corner have no problem speaking their minds.

Here's a tip to all males: walk up to a woman you find attractive and say, "Hello, my name is (insert name here), and ask her an open ended question like "How is your day going?" or "How are you?" And if you're feeling brave enough, try telling her she's beautiful or that she has a nice smile. A respectful complement goes a long way.

The Hardest Part is Letting Go

2 years, 3 months, 4 days, and 16 hours—yes, I am that precise—is how long it took me to let go of him. The him (not worth capitalizing), I refer to, is my ex-boyfriend. The man that consumed me for four years, the man I once proclaimed to many, as the love of my life or the cliché terminology of "my heart." Was it the smell of his cologne? The fullness of his lips? Or maybe, the swagger he evoked as he perused the "street life?" None of the above. In fact, I realize, today, that I was, then, in love with the idea of being love. Scratch that, I was in love, with the idea of being in love with him.

As I reflect on that relationship, I ponder on what kept me imprisoned by his love for so long. Even after our relationship ended, I spent the subsequent two years comparing the guys I would date to him. It wasn't like him had his game right in all aspects of his life. Our relationship started off as the typical teenage love affair—you know, the young high school student, falling for this weed-smoking, thugged-out, cutie who promised you the world. It took me about 3 years to realize that the "world" he promised me was full of angst, grief, tears, and a cultivating fear—the fear, I would later realize, to let him go.

The summer before the start of my freshman year at the University was when we broke up. The break up wasn’t one of those overdramatic, movie-type, ones. No. It was rather subtle. It came after I realized that the bad began to outweigh the good in our relationship. After explaining to him that the “street life” wasn’t what I was going for nor the desire to be ride or die but ride and live, I made the decision to “let” him go. The funny thing is, he didn’t beg for me to stay, he simply said “ok.” I didn’t even have the energy to ask “that’s all?” I hung up the phone, and the rest is history. SIKE!

Nothing was history. The subsequent months were spent on an emotional rollercoaster that would drive me to strongly dislike him and distrust any man that tried to break down the walls. Yes, the walls that I built around my heart, shielding it from the pain, hurt, harm, fakeness, illegitimacy, and adjectives alike. The truth of the matter is, the wall I built to shield my heart were to protect the love I still had for him. See, what people don’t understand sometimes is when you love someone for a long time (4 years to be exact), it takes more than a month, a week, or a year to undo the emotions and the love you have cultivated for the individual. A part of me wanted to forgive, forget, make excuses for all the good times we once had. So I disliked him for imprisoning my heart when the liberty of love was knocking at my door.

It took a freakin’ Tyler Perry Movie to help me understand why I NEEDED to let him go! Can you believe that? It was in the Diary of a Mad Black Woman, and I can’t remember who said it, but I remember the character asserting that “Sometimes God is trying destroy the very same relationship we desire to hold on to,” because we serve a jealous God. I finally understood why getting rid of him was necessary. He needed to be let go because he was impinging on both my spiritual and academic growth. It took me two years and change to see that—thank you Tyler Perry!

The good thing is, when you let go, you really let go! I can talk to him about his new girlfriend and not feel some kind a way about him. As a matter fact, when I talk to him now, I smile, and thank God for the learning experience I gained from that relationship and smile even brighter when I think about the man God has destined and designed for me to live, love, and create life with for eternity.

Men We've Been Running Into

Melissa came across this on the Michelle Obama's facebook page:

"Michelle, you are such an inspiration! Can you teach me and my friends how to strategically implement a foolproof plan to obtain a man like Barack and cultivate a nurturing relationship? ‘Cause the men we’ve been running into aren’t s**t!"

Least to say, this is rather bold statement to put on the future first lady's page, but this girl has a point. Fade said, Michelle met her husband at an ivy league school so maybe she should go to an ivy league and find a man like Barack too. Stop chasing jerseys and bling; open a book. Don't we all wish it was that easy?

Many black people admire the Obama family as the "ideal" picture of the strong black family. A handsome successful college educated man, his stunning and equally successful wife, and their beautiful children. Yes, they are the perfect image; but will we ever find the strong black male who can cultivate that nurturing relationship? Only time will tell.....